Huntsville's Promise
Our Children Our Future
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Positive Peer Influence By: Stephanie Frogge Director of Peer Support: TAPS: Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors SHSU Adjunct Professor In 2005 Apple Computer spent $287M to get us to buy iPods. Apparently the advertising campaigns worked. More than 100 million units have been sold, perhaps one or more to members of your own family. Like it or not, we are all susceptible to the influence of others whether through advertising messages, the views of our friends, or public opinion. And just as adults can be influenced to do things they ordinarily wouldn’t do (karaoke anyone?) our children are influenced in the same way. Almost 70 years ago a sociologist by the name of Edwin Sutherland first published his own theory of delinquent behavior among youth. Differential association, as the theory came to be called, simply fleshed out what conscientious moms and dads have suspected since the beginning of time – attitudes and behaviors that aren’t consistent with what is being taught at home are largely being learned from peers. And the more time spent with delinquent peers, as opposed to friends that model responsible behaviors and attitudes, the greater the risk. Positive peer influence has been cited as one of the 40 Developmental Assets that provides a healthy foundation for life success. The significance of peer influence probably comes as no surprise to anyone who has ever themselves been a child or anyone who has gone clothes shopping recently with a teen. The creation of a self-identity doesn’t happen in a vacuum; it requires exploring and interacting with influences beyond that of the family. As a child’s world expands, the impact of peer authority, both positive and negative, increases. Whether they knew it or not, when your dad and mom said to you, “I don’t like her; I think she’s a bad influence on you,” or conversely, “I’m glad you two are friends; he seems like a nice guy” there was research to support their position. Youth are profoundly influenced by other youth but particularly so when it comes to misbehavior. When I teach Juvenile Delinquency at Sam Houston State University, students are expected to interview an acquaintance then write an essay about a time when that acquaintance broke a law or committed a delinquent act as a youth. The essays are at times entertaining (especially when I suspect the student is writing about a personal experience) and at times sad and troubling. Of particular interest, and something that we talk about in class, is the fact that the vast majority of deviant behaviors described in the papers took place within the context of a group. Almost universally, the story begins with two or more youth together, initially behaving in appropriate ways. The story changes when someone, usually someone who has engaged in the delinquent act before, introduces the idea of some kind of misbehavior. Negative peer influence is a powerful force. Like most adults, I recall times in my own youth when my mom made it clear that she didn’t like one or another of my friends. Fortunately she was wise enough to know that the more strongly she voiced her opposition, the more likely I was to cling to the friendship. However, she still took steps to minimize that person’s influence and the relationships tended to dissipate on their own. Whether you want to discourage friendships that concern you or support the friendships that you believe are good for your child, experts on the subject suggest the following strategies: - Know your child’s friends and their parents. Encourage your child to invite her friends to your home and introduce yourself to the friend’s parents. Children who spend time in and around your home will come to learn about your expectations and standards of behavior. - Talk with your child about his friends. Keeping the lines of communication open allows for expressions of your own values and serves as a means for identifying and addressing concerns. - Practice problem-solving. Children who have talked with their parents about how they’ll handle difficult situations are more likely to make good choices. Such discussions also enable you to talk about the consequences of risky decisions. Help your child understand the difference between making decisions based on principles rather than people. - Address concerns carefully. When you do have concerns keep the conversation focused on behavior and choices. Find out why that friendship is so important to your child. Criticizing friends will be perceived as a personal attack and a judgment on your child’s values and decision-making abilities. Ideally our children will always be surrounded by peers who share our values and beliefs and will serve as positive influences for our children just as our children will provide the same in return. However, even when the influence is less than positive or poor decisions have been made, the lessons learned from mistakes can be among the most powerful guides to making better choices in the future. Stephanie Frogge is Director of Peer Support for TAPS – Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors. She is also an adjunct instructor in the College of Criminal Justice at Sam Houston State University. |
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